Only She Knows
by baby kurarise
Summary: SHINKUMI! Shin thinks he doesn't deserve her... she doesn't know it was her... will she ever find out what he feels? what will she do to make him stay? will he stay? [i suck with summaries! sorry... just read it, if you want...: R&R]


**disclaimer: i own nothing!!:) gokusen is definitely not mine nor are the characters...:)**

**a/n: READ & REVIEW!!! hope you'll like this one! it's ok if you don't!!:) anyway,, READ & REVIEW! thanks!! all comments are very much appreciated!! love you guys!!:)**

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Yankumi woke up in a sunny morning. Usually, by this time she was already at Shirokin High greeting her students. But today, it would be different. It's already summer and her students are no longer 'her students', they already graduated and she wonders if she would ever see them again, if they would still look for her help, if her memories with them would ever happen again. She just lied on her bed, staring at the ceiling, recalling all of her memories with them. From the moment she met Section-3D, all she ever wanted was to be able to teach them not just about school but also about life itself. She did and they learned from her, she knows it but somehow, she wishes that they didn't, that they hadn't so she would still have to teach them and protect them. But that was all she could do, wish and hope. By now, they are already heading for their dreams, taking different roads and…

_kring! kring!_

'Eh?' she thought.

She sat up from her bed and saw that her cell phone was vibrating; she reached for it and answered it.

"Hello?" she said.

"Yankuuumiii!!" it was Kuma. He greeted her cheerfully. She felt a little joy hearing one of her student's voice especially in that tone.

"Kuma?" Yankumi asked innocently.

"Uh-uh…" he said and by the sound of his voice Yankumi could tell that he was eating, he was always eating. She would miss that… seeing Kuma eat. "Yankumi, do you wanna come later with us?" he asked.

"Eh? Where?" she asked.

"We're going to have a graduation celebration…" he said still chewing.

"You want me to come?" Yankumi asked.

"Of course! We couldn't have graduated if it wasn't for you…" he said. Hearing this, she felt tears slowly forming in her eyes and before she knew it, she was already sobbing, typical emotional Yankumi.

"He? Yankumi? Are crying?" Kuma asked, shocked.

"N…n…n…o…o…" she answered trying to stop herself. "Anyway, sure… I will come."

"Yey! We'll meet at 6 in the evening here at my dad's ramen house."

"This will be your treat?"

"No. Shin will pay."

"Eh? Shin? Why him?"

"It'll also be a farewell party for him." he said and she remembered that Shin wanted to go out of Japan and do a volunteer work. Remembering this, she felt something pulling her heart down to her stomach. Of all her students, she would definitely miss Shin the most. He was truly different and she can see that he is really special; people just have to look closer to know.

"Ah… okay… I'll see you later…" she said because she didn't know what else to say.

"Okay! See you later! Oh! And don't be late!!"

"I won't!" she said then she hung her phone.

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Shin was sitting at his black couch, staring at the air. There were so many things running on his mind; his friends, his family, his dad, his sister, his mom, his decision to do a volunteer work, Japan, Yankumi and his self. All of them were rumbling on his mind altogether. First, he will surely miss his friends when he flies out of Japan… all of their jokes and the silly stuff they do. Then, his family… even though he hasn't been with his family for a long time he knows deep inside he will miss them all. There are so many things bothering his mind, like his dad and how much his disobeying him with his decision even though he really have disobeyed him already for many times, this would be the biggest thing he'll ever do against his father's will. He's also worried about his sister, if she'll do well without him. He kept thinking how he could protect her if his half way around the world. Then there's his mom, he wonders how she could handle his dad and her sister especially now that Natsume is beginning to fight their father. There are so many things that he worries and think about but most of all, he thinks about Yankumi. He knows she's special for him but he's not sure what he really feels for her. She's his teacher… even though he already graduated and technically no longer her student, he knows he will forever be her student for her. He would always be a confused boy to her eyes who needs protection. No matter what he does, nothing can change the fact that she's older than him. Of course for him it doesn't matter but he knows somehow it would be wrong. She deserves someone better, not him. Someone who can protect her, someone who's stronger than her who is definitely not him, he thought. He is definitely not stronger than her knowing that she has already saved him a couple of times while he has done nothing for her. It hurts him to know that the one thing he longs for, he can't have. This is one of the reasons which determined him to fly out of Japan, he needs to compose his self and forget whatever feelings he has for Yankumi. He needs to fix his self before he actually starts his life…

_kring! kring!_

He looked at the phone beside him and wondered if he would answer it since he doesn't even know if he would be a good person to talk to right now since he's been thinking of too much. After a couple of rings, he decided to answer it.

'What the hell? It's not my fault he/she called if ever he really is not a good person to talk to at this moment.' He thought.

He got up and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Oy! Shin!" it's Uchi.

"Uchi…"

"Noda set us all on a date later with college GIRLS!" Uchi said excitedly.

"Ah…" Shin said flatly.

"HA? Aren't you excited about that??" Uchi asked as if he still doesn't know that his friend Shin doesn't get that excited easily with girls.

"Whatever." Shin said flatly.

"He? Shin, you're really weird." Uchi said disappointedly. "But will you come still?" He asked.

Shin thought for a moment… there's really nothing he needs to do so he's got all of his time free but he didn't want to go so he thought of an excuse to get out of it.

"Ahh… I still have to go somewhere… to fix some papers for my flight." He said hoping that Uchi would buy his excuse. Luckily, he did.

"Aaaww…" he said, wailing. "But… you will come later at Kuma's, right?" he asked.

"I will."

"Okay. Don't be late! Gotta go! See you!"

"Sure, Bye…" Shin said then hung the phone.

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It was already 5:30 pm and Yankumi was almost done fixing herself up. She wore a denim pants with pink top and a beige blazer. She sat in front of the mirror and wondered what kind of hair-do she would have for today. It took about 5 minutes before she got her decision, she'll just have her hair in pigtails… nope, she'll just have her down. She stared at the mirror for a moment then shifted her eyes at the picture beside her, class 3-D. She sighed when she picked it up then looked at it more intently. She looked at their faces one by one, reminiscing all the things she would miss about them. She smiled as different memories run through her mind, teaching them really have been one of the greatest moments of her life and she would never forget them, not one of them. As she examined the picture she suddenly realized the party she was about to go to, she looked at the clock and… fuck. It's already 5:50 pm… she hurriedly stood up and ran down the stairs and said good bye to her family. She tried her best to get at Kuma's on time. Why does this always happen to her? She thought.

Shin walked down the road calmly, his hands on his pocket; as usual. He observed everything he saw as he passes them by. He will miss Japan, he thought. He continued to walk until he finally reached Kuma's ramen house. He opened the door and looked around. There was no one inside. He looked around more but when he really saw no one he decided to go. He was already opening the door when he heard someone moving. He turned around and saw Kuma's mother.

"Who's that?" Kuma's mother asked.

Shin bowed his head down and politely said, "It's Shin."

Kuma's mom raised her head and when she saw Shin, she exclaimed. "Ah! Shin-san!" then walked towards him and nudged his head. "You aren't with the boys?" she asked.

Shin shook his head politely. "No. I needed to do something so I didn't come. They're still not here?" he asked.

"Oh no… but don't worry. They'll arrive soon. Just sit first and wait here." She said as she directed him to one of the tables. Shin sat down and thanked her. "Just wait there, okay? I'm just cooking the food for you boys." She said and Shin nodded, smiling.

Yankumi ran down the road, quickly pushing anyone who got in her way; she was already pissed that she was late and they would still have the guts to get in her way? They're really in trouble, she thought. When finally, she already saw the ramen house, she stopped and tried to fix and calm herself. When she already caught her breath, she walked towards the ramen house. She was so excited to see her students, even though it was just yesterday when she last saw them that she was giggling all by herself. When she finally reached the ramen house, she fixed herself once more; straightened her hair, her pants, and her clothes and tried to look as modest as possible. She opened the door and stepped inside. Eh? She thought. There was no one inside. She looked around and in one corner, she saw Shin… sitting all alone, fumbling the table napkins on the table. She decided to shock him; as usual. She tiptoed towards him, trying to be as quiet as possible when all of a sudden…

"Ms. Yamaguchi!" someone called her, really loud. She turned around and saw Kuma's mom smiling at her widely. Shin looked at her, surprised.

"Hello Ma'am…" Yankumi said politely.

"The boys are not yet here, just sit there with Shin." Kuma's mom said pointing at Shin. "I need to get back inside to cook your food." She said still smiling.

"Oh, okay… you need help?" Yankumi asked.

"Oh no… you should just wait there." She said as she went inside then she was nowhere at sight.

Yankumi looked at Shin who was looking at her then walked towards him and sat in front of him, across the table.

"Where are they?" Yankumi asked innocently. Shin just shrugged his shoulders, rolling his eyes as he usually does.

"Ah? You don't know?" Yankumi asked.

Shin exhaled and said, "They're probably still with the girls Noda set them up with."

"They're on a date?? But… but… I thought…" Yankumi said confusingly.

"They'll be here." Shin said flatly.

Hearing Shin's voice, Yankumi suddenly got back into her senses and wondered why he's not with them. "Wait. You're not with them?" she asked.

Shin thought how Yankumi can be really stupid at times; she can already see that he's not with them and yet she still asks if he's with them. Stupid, he thought. But despite that, he still likes her.

"Duh? Stupid." He said flatly, rolling his eyes. Since Yankumi's already fond of this kind of attitude of Shin just pretended that she didn't hear anything and continued on with her jolly attitude.

"Why?" she asked, curiously. "Don't you know that you could have met the girl of your dreams if you went with them?"

He doesn't need to meet the girl of his dreams, he thought, he already met her. He stared at her, realizing more how much feelings he has for her. He doesn't even know what made him feel this way for her. All he knows was that she's different and everything about her is perfect. She's perfect and she deserves someone better. She deserves the best, he thought… and that would never be him. Thinking this, made his heart ache… the one time he ever loved, the woman he ever loved… can never be his. This is what determined him to go; his heart needs to forget her or at least just try. He was going to do this for himself.

Yankumi, thinking that Shin's silence means no, gave him a shocked expression. "What? You don't want to meet the girl of your dreams?" she asked shockingly.

"Whatever." He replied, shaking his head.

Yankumi's eyes suddenly lit up. "Ah! You've already met her! Haven't you?" she said.

Shin's heart stopped beating. He didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to confess his feelings for her but he knows that if he does, she would probably never talk to him again. He doesn't want that. Even though he's going to leave, he still wants to be connected to her. Thinking all of this, he decided to just shut up.

"Is she pretty?" Yankumi asked insistently, her eyes widened.

"Shut up." He said flatly.

"Oh come on! You can trust me!" she said, grinning.

"Whatever."

"Come on, is she pretty?" she asked again, leaning closer to him. Shin just kept quiet then Yankumi repeated her question. "Is she pretty?"

Shin irritated with Yankumi bugging him, suddenly blurted out, "Yes…" Shit, he thought. Now she would really not stop bugging him.

"Really?" she screeched. "Do you love her?" she asked as her eyes widen.

Hearing her question, Shin couldn't find the words he should say. He didn't want to answer it; he didn't know how to answer it. He looked at her more deeply… he just watched her as she waited for his answer. She really looks cute when her eyes lit up and when her curiosity drives her crazy.

"You do, don't you?" she asked. Shin suddenly thought that maybe he really do, he just doesn't really know it.

"Maybe…" he said.

"Ha? Maybe? You're not sure?" she asked. "Why?"

"I don't know…"

"Does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Have you told her what you feel for her?"

"No."

"Will you tell her?" she asked.

Shin thought that because of Yankumi's continues questioning, he might tell her unintentionally. He paused for a moment and said, "I think… I might."

"What will you tell her?"

"Nothing… I'll tell her if she asks me about it."

Her eyes widened again, like a little child who's just gotten a lollipop. She asked, "Really?"

He already is, isn't he? Shin thought. He looked at her, realizing how clueless she really was. Thinking this to his self, he tried not to laugh so he just nodded.

"Have you already made a move on her?"

"No."

Yankumki's eyes grew with disappointed. "You haven't? Why?" she asked.

Shin sighed as he rolled his eyes. "There's no point…" he said.

Yankumi raised her eyebrows. "Eh?" she asked.

Shin wondered why he continued on answering her questions when he could just keep quiet which would probably make her stop, but somehow he felt that he should let her know his feelings for her. He sighed, trying to gather up all the courage he has to answer her honestly in a way that would make her know he was referring to her.

"Because… she doesn't deserve me." he said.

Yankumi thought his answer was weird. She thought he meant that he was too good for her but then she realized that he's not the kind of person who thinks of himself too high.

"Why?" she asked.

"She deserves someone better." He answered.

"And you think you're not the best guy for her?" she asked.

He nodded. Hearing this directly from her made him feel heavier. It's been hard for him to accept that fact to himself more so to hear it directly from her. Although, she stated it in a question, he felt like she was saying it as if she knows what's been going on in his mind.

Yankumi smiled at him. "I think you're wrong. I think any girl would be lucky to have you." She said as she leaned across the table, nudging her favorite student's head.

He felt his heart stop beating. Does she really see him that way? Will she consider herself lucky if she had him? All of these thoughts entered his mind. Hearing what she said, made him feel a little better but he cleared all of it out of him and brought his self back to reality. She only said it as an encouragement, he thought.

"No… I'm not." He said.

"Why?" she asked. Shin is really heard-headed, she thought. He sees himself so low, when will he ever know that he's better than he thinks?

"Because… she's already done so much for me." he said. "I've done nothing for her."

"Like what?"

"She's saved me for several times already." He said. "I haven't, not even once."

Yankumi just kept quiet, feeling that he still has something to add.

"I can't protect her. She deserves someone better." He added. "I haven't done anything for her."

"Then do something for her." She suggested.

"I can't. I'm going to leave already, remember?" he said sarcastically.

"Then why will you leave when you still have something you need to do here?" she asked.

"Because I want to. Because I need to. I need to forget her and do something for myself… for others." He stated.

"You're going because of her?"

"Part of it." he said.

"What if she likes you too?" Yankumi asked with a concerned look.

"I still won't be good enough for her."

"If she likes you then it's just because you're the best guy for her." She said.

Hearing Yankumi's statements, made his heart heavy. He wondered if she knew who he was talking about, will she still say these things she's saying or will she just let him go?

Shin just smiled at her. He didn't know what to say anymore.

"But… what if she really likes you and she proves to you that you're the best guy for her… will you still leave?" She suddenly asked.

"I don't know…" he said.

Yankumi nodded, smiling with contentment. "I guess that means yes…"

She was about to say something more when suddenly they heard the door bang open together with loud voices, singing and shouting; it was the boys.

"OY! Shin! You should have come with us! It was so cool!" Uchi said, yelling and shaking Shin.

Probably, it was fun… but for Shin, it was better to be with Yankumi than to meet some other girls.

"Yankuumii!!" Kuma yelled.

Noda and Minami, on the other hand, kept giggling on the side… looking at the pictures they got from the girls they met. Yankumi noticed the two; she suddenly stood up and went to them to see what they were giggling about.

"What's that?" she said as she grabbed the pictures from them.

"Yankumi!!" the two yelled in chorus trying to get the pictures back from her.

"Aaah!! Are these the girls you met?" she said as her eyes lit up.

Shin looked at them; all of them. He wondered what his life would be without them, even though it's not permanent he still felt like he was going away forever. He observed their every move and smiled at his self realizing how much he liked them all, especially Yankumi.

After all the chaos, Kuma's mom brought the food out and they all ate together; chatting, telling stories, etc. It was fun, they all thought; just the six of them. After eating their dinner, they all went to the nearest karaoke bar to celebrate more. Since they are already of legal age, Yankumi could no longer scold them for ordering lots of beers. They all sang and drank together. They stayed there until midnight.

Shin was sitting beside Yankumi as the others kept on singing, jumping and getting wilder and wilder. All of them had already drunk at least 4 bottles of beer. All of them were already drunk except for Yankumi, who is very fond of hard drinks since her family has many of those kinds. Yankumi looked at Shin who was looking really sleepy already, probably because of all the beer he had drunk. Since Shin was already leaving soon, she wanted to talk to him more. She nudged his arm.

"Hey! You know, you haven't told me who the girl is…" Yankumi asked, grinning.

Shin had already drunk 6 bottles since he tried to keep up with Yankumi. He was feeling so heavy and dizzy that he already had no idea what was going on around him. He heard Yankumi's voice and he knows she was talking to him but he didn't understand what she said.

"What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You haven't told me who the girl is…" she repeated.

"Ah…" he said.

"So, who is it?" she asked again.

Shin smiled dizzily. "Stupid…" he said then he paused for a while. "you…"

Yankumi's jaw dropped then she looked at him. She couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or what but somehow she felt he was. She didn't know what to say, she tried her best to say something but she couldn't get anything out of her mind. Suddenly, she felt his head fall on her shoulders. She looked at him; he fell asleep. She looked at him intently and thought how mature he was for his age. If only he was older, she thought. If he really was telling the truth… and older… then things will probably work out.

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It was already 8 in the morning and Shin was already at the airport. This is the day he's leaving. The guys asked him to wait for them at the airport before he leaves. His flight leaves at 9:30 and he needs to get inside by 8:30. Shit, he thought. Where are those guys? He was already getting irritated when suddenly he heard they're voices. He turned around and saw them running towards him.

"Shin!" Kuma exclaimed, trying to catch his breath.

Shin smiled at him, he would definitely miss them. Uchi looked at him seriously, he looked like he was about to cry and Shin noticed it.

"Hey. I'll come back." Shin said to Uchi.

Uchi stepped towards him and hugged his friend. "We'll miss you, Shin." He said.

"I will too." Shin replied. Then, he heard someone sobbing; it was Kuma. He smiled at him. "Oy. Don't cry. I told you, I'll come back." He said at Kuma. Then he hugged him.

He looked at Noda and Minami who was just standing beside him, smiling sadly. He smiled back.

"Shin, don't forget us. Alright?" Minami said and Shin nodded back to him, smiling.

"Yeah! And when you return, call us right away. Okay?" Noda added.

"Don't worry. I will." Shin replied. He looked at them more and hugged them again one by one.

He heard that his flight was already boarding. This was it. He needs to go inside and he will already leave. They all said their final goodbyes to one another. Shin walked towards the door of the airport; he was about to go inside when he heard someone calling him.

"Sawwaaaddaaa!"

He turned his head to where he heard the voice; it was Yankumi. He saw her running towards him. He stopped walking and just stood there. He didn't know if he was dreaming or what. All he knows is that she's here. She'll be the last person he'll see before he leaves. He stood there, waiting for her. When finally she reached him, she bent down trying to catch her breath. He just watched her.

"You're already leaving?" she asked as she breathed deeply, looking at him.

"Duh?" he said in a monotone, sarcastically.

"Is this how you show your affection?" she asked, sarcastically. He felt his heart suddenly beat faster. What did she just say? Was she joking? He didn't tell her, didn't he?

"What?" he asked.

"If you're doing this for that girl…" she said. "don't…"

He stared at her, not knowing what she was talking about. Or maybe he did. He was just afraid to admit it to himself.

"What?" he asked again. He already had no words to say. He didn't know how to react. This was the last thing he thought would happen. How did she know? Had he told her?

"You said that you need to forget her." She said. "Right?"

He just nodded.

"Because you're no good for her." She said. "Right?"

He nodded again.

"So, if you're doing this for the girl… don't…" she said.

He just looked at her.

"You haven't taken your chance yet. You still don't know what she thinks." She said, smiling.

"Yankumi…" he said quietly.

"Only she knows who's best for her and who's not." She continued, smiling. "So, if you're doing this for her… don't…" she added.

He just stared at her. He couldn't find the right words to tell her. He didn't know if he should speak. He's not even sure if he knows what she's talking about. She stepped closer to him and hugged him and he hugged her back. When she stepped backward, she nudged his head.

"Good bye…" she said. "Shin…"

He smiled at her. "Good bye." He said. He was probably wrong, she still doesn't know. It was just probably one of her weirdness, he thought. She walked away slowly and he just watched her.

As she was walking she suddenly turned her back again. "By the way!" she shouted. "Shin! You have… you have done something for her…"

Again, he didn't know what she was talking about. "What?" he shouted back.

"You have saved my dream, remember?" she shouted stepping backward. "See? That was the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me." she added. And with that, she turned back and started walking again.

He just stood there, not knowing what to do. She did know. He is after all, worth it for her. He stood there, smiling. He watched her walk and shifted his eyes to the doors behind him. He didn't know where to go now. Then he heard someone announcing that the boarding of his flight has already closed. He smiled to himself and shifted his eyes back to her. He watched her move gracefully as she walks further… he smiled to himself again and walked towards the path she took.

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**a/n: if you don't know what i'm referring to about the dream. it's when yankumi was forced to resign because she's a yakuza and shin made a way and he led the class to make her stay because he knows that teaching and seeing them graduate is yakumi's dream... that's all!!:) thanks again!! READ & REVIEW!! MWAH!!**


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